


Tell Me How to Be You

by neferlemon



Series: Infinite Hurt/Comfort Series [1]
Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 05:44:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6643720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neferlemon/pseuds/neferlemon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was going to tell this boy that he was not useless, he was never useless. He would tell the boy that he has it within himself – the talent, the competency, the capability. He would tell the boy that he was amazing, and he would gladly kiss every inch of his skin if it could get his points across.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell Me How to Be You

When Sungyeol came back from his drama filming, he could hear the voice of some members who were still awake and chatting in the living room. He stopped at the entrance to blink back his tears before coming further.

“Welcome, Yeolie!” Dongwoo Hyung greeted him with a bright smile that could even make him smile a little. Hoya and Sungjong looked up and murmured their welcome.

“Hello, Dongwoo Hyung.”

“How’s first day of filming?” Dongwoo asked, always the attentive one.

“It’s fine,” Sungyeol answered. _It’s not fine,_ actually, but he didn’t want to tell them that. Didn’t want them to know that.

“I’ll just...” he gestured vaguely and went to his room. If the three in the living room exchanged some weird look with each other, he didn’t notice.

It was not until he took a shower and hit the bed he realized that what happened today bothered him so much. The shame and frustration were still heavy in his chest. The worry and fear were even  bigger. Sungyeol didn’t want to cry, it was too small of a matter to be cried over.

It was just... Sungyeol had always consider acting to be his forte, even much more than singing and dancing that were his job. Also, it was what he genuinely wants to do so he always gives extra effort whenever he get opportunity to act. Today was not an exception, but for a reason and another the director found his acting to be lacking.

They argued because Sungyeol felt he already did what the director asked him to do, but the director insisted he didn’t. He was demanding and perfectionist, and Sungyeol found it difficult to bond with him. In the end of the day, they were both frustrated at each other. Thankfully, the director was actually kind enough to write down his advice and asked Sungyeol to learn from it. In a way, he was thankful to get opportunity to learn and improve his acting, but he couldn’t shake off the no good feeling he got from being told his act was bad.

Sungyeol was afraid of many things, ghost and spider included, but there was nothing more he dreads than his own incompetence. Ironic, because he knew that among the member he was the most incompetent one. Or maybe, that was exactly why. He had been living under his bandmate’s shadow. He could never compete with Sunggyu and Woohyun’s vocal, Dongwoo and Hoya’s move, or Myungsoo and Sungjong’s beauty.

It didn’t help that public had called him useless and incompetent for 6 years. Even if he had improved right now, it was too late to get rid of a 6 years old label. Sungyeol didn’t want to admit it, but deep down he knew it traumatized him and since then he despised failure.

Especially in acting because if he wanted to define himself, he wanted to do it with acting. And today his confidence was burned into ashes.

He didn’t even realized when he let the first drop of tear fell from his eyes and the next thing he knew he was downright sobbing.

“Hyung? Oh my God, Hyung!” of course Sungjong choose that time to check on him and rushed to his side when he saw him crying. Fuck. He didn’t want Sungjong to see him right now.

Sungjong sat on his side, caressed his hair and tried to peek at his face, but Sungyeol was curled up facing the wall so he couldn’t see.

“What’s wrong, Hyung?” he asked and Sungyeol could hear worry in his voice.

“I’m fine,” he managed to say. Thankfully, Sungjong was wise enough to understand what that answer implies. Sungyeol was always too self conscious about showing his weakness, even to the member. And he even more reluctant to show it in front of the maknae. Sungjong never get hurt about this, he understand very well the reason why.

“Do you want me to get Dongwoo Hyung?”

“No.”

“I’m not leaving you alone.”

Sungyeol usually only allows Myungsoo, Woohyun, and lately Sunggyu to comfort him, the former two being the closest member to him since debut and the latter being the stubborn leader that always wants to take his member’s worry to himself. But tonight, all three of them had late night schedule.

“Then just get Hoya.”

Sungyeol could feel Sungjong’s hand stopped moving. The boy was stunned.

Sungyeol himself was surprised.  He and Hoya were never the closest. Not even for fanservice.

But if there was a better actor in Infinite than him, then it was Hoya. Also, he had this one question to ask.

Sungjong left him and he could hear muffled voice from the living room. He didn’t move.

A minute or two later, he heard Hoya coming. He expected him to sit down and started questioning him but was surprised when the bed dip with Hoya’s full body weight. He laid himself on the bed.

“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” he asked and Sungyeol could tell from his voice that he laid on his back.

He tried to subdue his crying and asked.

“Do you ever get told off for your acting?”

Hoya didn’t answer for some time, then he muttered a quiet no.

“Of course...” Sungyeol said, but Hoya was actually offended.

“If this is you saying how unfair it is that I get everything I want without trying...”

“What? No, it’s not like that!” Sungyeol corrected. “Hoya, I live with you. I know how hard you work better than anybody.”

“Then why did you call me?”

“I just... I want to ask. Does hard work really get everything done?”

Hoya took his time again, but still answered.

“Of course it does. Look at us, look at how Infinite happens.”

“I don’t know though... it doesn’t feel like that in my case.”

He could feel Hoya crane his neck to look at him. “Hey, Sungyeol-ah....”

“I think I’ve worked hard enough, but when the real work come, turns out that it’s not enough.”

“Well, that’s just how life works, don’t you think? Nobody is good from beginning. They get a challenge and that’s how they improve.”

“But you said you never get told off...”

“Well, let’s just say I improve before the challenge comes...”

Sungyeol rolled over and faced Hoya. He got his confirmation and now he needed the answer to this one question.

“Howon-ah,” he said pleadingly. “Tell me how to be you.”

\--

It was not only the question that get him alarmed, it was the pleading in the tone and the obvious fear in Sungyeol’s eyes. He rolled his body to face Sungyeol properly.

“Sungyeol-ah, what happened?”

“Just tell me what to do, Hoya. How long do you practice your acting a day? How long do you practice for dance?”

Sungyeol sounded delirious, actually, and it scared Hoya.

“Tell me what happened first,” he said.

“I told you, I was told off at work.”

“So what? You got told off hundreds times by Sunggyu Hyung and you are never... like this.”

“The director said my acting was lacking. He wanted me to up it tomorrow... and I can’t do it. So I really need your answer.”

Hoya was speechless. Sungyeol started tearing up again and Hoya cursed himself. Where was Myungsoo when they need him? Hoya was never good with comforting people. He was panicking until Sungyeol’s next word hit him.

“You have to tell me, Howon-ah, I’m scared. I’m afraid I can’t do it. I’m not sure I can do a better job tomorrow. I’m afraid I can’t give him what he wants tomorrow.”

Of course.

Of course that was why.

Hoya was stupid for not realizing it sooner.

He pushed himself to his elbow to get a better look at Sungyeol. The boy was laying on his back again. His eyes showed how genuinely afraid he was about tomorrow.

“Sungyeol-ah... what are you saying? Of course you can do it.”

“I don’t know... I thought I could do it today too but it was disaster.”

Sungyeol was always so stupid. Always looking down at himself, sabotaging his own talent, not knowing the real potential he actually has. But maybe, that was the result of being called useless for six years.  Hoya shuddered when he imagined himself in Sungyeol’s position.  

“It was your _first day_. It’s the first time you work with him, you don’t know yet what kind of style he wants from your acting.”

Hoya moved his hand to Sungyeol’s hair, caressing it.

“He gave you a pointer about what he expects, right? Then you’ll do better tomorrow!”

Sungyeol shook his head and more tears fell down to his cheeks. “I want to believe it, but no matter how I just can’t trust myself.”

Then something inside Hoya snapped. Screw it, he thought. He was bad at comforting people but he would fix this. He moved his hand down to Sungyeol’s face, wiped his tears from his cheeks.

He didn’t care if they were just friend, he needed to save Sungyeol.

“I trust you,” he said. Hoya ran his down to Sungyeol’s arm, caught his wrist. He ran his thumb on the pulse and brought it to his mouth. “Even if you don’t trust yourself, I trust you,” he kissed it.

“You are Lee Sungyeol,” he moved his lips a few centimeters up. “You’ve stayed for 6 years in Infinite. You are capable, you are competent, you are talented. You are the best actor in this group and you can do whatever it is that director ask.”

He was going to tell this boy that he was not useless, he was never useless. He would tell the boy that he has it within himself – the talent, the competency, the capability. He would tell the boy that he was amazing, and he would gladly kiss every inch of his skin if it could get his point across.

“I believe in you.”

He would repeat that word over and over until Sungyeol believe it himself.

Hoya looked up at Sungyeol. He was silent for the last minutes.

 “You hear me?”

Sungyeol nodded.

“You understand me?”

He nodded again.

Hoya cupped his face and looked at his eyes. Sungyeol looked at him in awe, a little subdued, but it was no longer fear in his eyes, so Hoya thought that for now, it was okay.

He kissed his forehead before laid himself back to the bed. He rolled to his side to face Sungyeol.

“Now sleep. You must have to wake up early tomorrow.”

“Yes. I have to be there at 7,” Sungyeol shifted his body to face Hoya.

Hoya pulled him into his embrace. Sungyeol put his hands over his waist. They fell asleep seconds later, safe and blissful in each other’s arm.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
